Special Post: Dating

Hey Everyone, how's it going? Thought I would post a previous MySpace Blog on here since I've been thinking about it again... It is reviesed for those of you who have read this before... always happy to have feedback.

So, this topic is a doozy... That's right, it's dating... something I am absolutely no good at... more about that later.

First point I want to make about dating is its purpose. Now stay with me. Its purpose is to find your best friend (Your Wife, Husband, whatever). But it's more than just finding that person. Its finding out what you want, who you are in a relationship, and finding that mix that will make you and that other person happy. For example, through dating, I have found out that I don't really care a whole lot about height, hair color, or eye color (but I do have preferences). In fact, some of the girls I've been happiest with are taller and/or have an eye/hair color didn't match "my preferences". At the same time, I've found out that I want someone pretty but, for a relationship to form, they have to be intelligent, deep, and more than happy to hang out instead of going out all the time. I've also learned that in the relationship, I am very open to doing whatever and learning new things, so I don't really have a mix problem. So that's the main point of dating. Moving on.

Alright, so, the second point is regarding process. This is where it falls apart for me, so any and all corrections would be appreciated. It all begins with the first impression. Somehow, someway, someone has to get another persons attention. From what I can tell, most instances, it's a physical attraction, but it can be other things, such as common interests or sense of humor. From there, someone take a risk by "making a move" and actually ask someone out. From what I understand, these dates should be something fun, creative, and involve some quality time to get to know the person AND some quiet time to reflect and see how you interact with that person non verbally (this is why dinner and a movie is a great first date, but then again, how creative is that?). Finally, you have to end the date. This topic is up for debate. The bare minimum would be a hug in the car, but I feel it's a game time decision whether any kind of kiss or additional interaction would be acceptable. Then there's a second date... I would think that the same rules apply. From there, it seems that it totally depends on the people and situation, so I'm done.

Now when it comes to dating, I know we have all heard that expression "the game". As we all know, this refers to making the right moves in order to achieve the final goal. I'm not a huge fan of "the game". Partially because I don't understand it, partially because I'm no good at it (I'm sure). Recently, I had someone suggest that I go hook up with someone (anyone) just to annoy my ex. Now how fair is that? First of all, there's an innocent person involved who's feelings could be really hurt. Secondly, that would put me in an uncomfortable situation that could very likely upset all three of us. Finally, it's forcing my ex to feel a certain way based on a fake situation. So yeah, count me out on this "game", it just doesn't seem worth it. I want someone, and just one someone, to like me for me, not because I can coherse people into feeling how I feel or how I want.

As I mentioned above, there is a process for dating. But where are the best places to meet people you would be interested in? Well, it depends on the people I suppose, but there seems to be some common places/ways. The way that has always worked best for me was through friends. The last person I was involved with I met through a friend of mine, and it actually worked out pretty well (great relationship, and we are still close friends). I know many situations where this has been where people have met and it's worked. Other ways would be through an activity or interest that you two have in common. A rec sport (i.e. soccer, volleyball, etc) or a special interest club (book club, church, so on) would be great places to meet someone, especially since you would know you have something in common. Sure, you could always meet someone at the bars and clubs, but this just does not work for me. I think it's a superficial and just plain fake environment that, unless you are looking for a one night thing, would not work (no offense to those of you who enjoy the bars and meet great people there. In fact, you're just further proving my point by describing what works for you). As for online dating, well, I think this is a lot more effective for older singles, but people my age, this isn't as effective. That hasn't stopped me from trying. I tried match.com at the beginning of the year. Met a few nice women, but for some reason, nothing really materialized out of any of that. But, I had a close friend who's had success multiple successes with eHarmony, so I'm now giving that a shot. I'll let you know the results.

Alright, finally, I'm going to offer what advice I can. Please, feel free to leave a comment to add to any part of this. First of all, you gotta market yourself. Think of the thing you look for in a date, and work on those yourself. I personally am interested in someone with a sense of humor, who likes having fun, is physically attractive, and good with people. These are all thing (plus more) that I constantly work on to improve in myself. Another tip, don't expect it to all come to you. There are way too many people that want something, but are upset when it doesn't come to them. You gotta go out there and get what you want. There have been situation where I have been one of these people who wait around for it to come, and I've come to realize, I need to make it happen. Also, go for someone you'll be happy with. Sure, there are a lot of physically attractive people out there, but how happy would you be with some of them? There are some shallow, mean people out there who have it easy because they are attractive. Don't be one dimensional. Throwing this one out there, be patient. The best things that happen usually don't happen over night. There are a lot of people who want to know the people they are dating at a slow pace. Appreciate and respect that, since the longer you're dating, the better things can be. Finally, believe in yourself. You have qualities that people are looking for. Know that, appreciate these qualities, and use them to your advantage.

Wow, there you go, my dating blog. I would love feedback, such as additional tips, thoughts, or even places to meet the future love of your life.

Hope you are all doing well and to hear from all of you soon!

Check ya later!

Clint

Alright, here's your bonus (like all of my MySpace posts): the song below is one is about making the first move. Yeah, it's a little creepy, but I think it gets this point across.

Unemployed Boyfriend
By Everclear, 1999

[Answering machine:] "Hi, this is Peggy. Leave me a nice message or I'll kill ya."

"Hey Peggy, it's me. You are never going to believe what happened to me today. I'm sittin' at the unemployment office, waitin' on my loser of a caseworker, in one of those nasty chairs, when from out of nowhere, this total stranger walks right up to me, sits down, then leans over and says something like, 'This is gonna sound a little obsessive.'"

This is gonna sound a little obsessive
This is gonna sound a little bit strange
I have one thing to say
Before I turn and I walk away

This is gonna sound a little impulsive
This is gonna sound a little insane
I know you don't know me yet
But you and I, we will be together someday
Someday

I know, I know, I sound like I'm on drugs
Listen to me when I say
That ever since when I first saw you
Sittin' on your car outside
You asked for a cigarette
I couldn't stop starin' at your eyes

Ever since when I first saw you
Looking bored in that plastic chair
With the lights of the office around you
Those blond streaks, they look so pretty in your black hair
You look cool and alternative with that disaffected stare
Yeah you want people to think that you just don't care

Hey you can be with me
Yeah 'cause I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you're perfect
Who will always make you come
Hey you can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

"Can you believe he said that to me? To me, of all people! I can't even remember the last time a guy took me out on a date and actually paid for it!"

This is gonna sound a little bit out there
This is gonna sound a little insane
I keep having the same dream
You will be the mother of my children someday
Someday

I heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy
I know he is in that famous band
You look so sad when you are with him
Yes I never see him reach to hold your hand

Yeah you can be with me
Yes I will treat you like a queen
I will go to all those chick flick movies
That I really don't want to see
Yeah you can be with me
No I will never let you down

I will never make out with your girlfriend
When I know you're not around
Yes you can be with me
Yeah I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you're special
I will always make you come

You can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

"Can you believe this? I mean, can this be for real?"

No!

"Then he takes my hand, writes down his number, and just walks away."
Whoa!

"I mean, wow. But you know, the weird thing is, he's actually kind of cute, in a really intense way. Kinda like Perry Farrell, you know. Intense, but sensitive. Anyway, I told my bitchy sister about it, and she just laughed at me. I told her I'm really excited about this! That I have a really good feeling about this guy! I told her, 'This could be the guy.' I'm like..."